tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
