Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize