Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
