forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
