Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize