this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
