Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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