You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
