I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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