Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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