First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize