Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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