he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
