Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
