I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
