and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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