Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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