Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you never un-have a 4some
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
