oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
