Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
