Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
