So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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