I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
