Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
