You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Panties = found
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize