Don't make out with my wife yet
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
