I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
