Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
