ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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