Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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