Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
