I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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