Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
