the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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