For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
