So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
