so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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