Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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