I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
