My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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