Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
