I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
