just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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