Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize