I heard we made out
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
