There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
