the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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