mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
