What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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