a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
