Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
