Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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