If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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