True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
