Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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