I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
