fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
