if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
