i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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