so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
