I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
