Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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