porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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