VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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