just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
