some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
