My Higher Power is John Stamos
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
