i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
