I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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