dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Randomize
