I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
