I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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